As I drive the SUV down the highway, loaded with ten and eleven-year-olds sugared up on birthday cake, I couldn’t help but smile as they began chanting a rhyme, obviously familiar to them but new to me. It included a reference to Jimmy Buffett which prompted me to query:
Me: Do you guys even know who Jimmy Buffett is?
Young Brett: I do! He’s that guy that turned up missing in the seventies that they think is buried in concrete in Giant’s Stadium.
Young Andrew: Dude, that’s Jimmy Hoffa.
Young Brett: Oh yeah.
Young Andrew: “No, I don’t want to spend it on that. I only need two more dollars for Nye’s Fake Blood”.
Young Brett: “How much is it”?
Young Andrew: “Fifteen dollars for sixteen ounces”.
Young Brett: “Dude, you can get fake blood at Party City a lot cheaper than that”.
Young Andrew: “Nye’s Fake Blood”?
Young Brett: “No, but it’s just as good”.
Young Andrew: “No it’s not”.
Young Brett: “Well it’s almost as good. At least it is when it drys. It doesn’t flake or get darker”.
Young Andrew: “Nothing is as good as Nye’s Fake Blood, especially not the gel”.
Young Brett: “Well yeah, the gel rocks. But still, it doesn’t cost fifteen dollars. Besides, you can make your own fake blood with food coloring and salt crystals even cheaper”.
Young Andrew: “I’m not using home-made fake blood”!
Young Brett: “Me neither, but I’m just saying I could make it myself if I wanted”.
Young Andrew: No, you’ll steal it, like you stole my Dragon Master card.
Young Brett: I didn’t steal it, I gave it back.
Young Andrew: Yeah, a week later.
Young Brett: Well, I didn’t steal it.
Melman: If you took it, it’s still stealing even if you gave it back.
Young Brett: What if I gave him an even better card back?
Young Andrew: You’d have to give me two Dragon Master’s AND a Doom Slayer for it not to be stealing.
Young Brett: I should have traded it with my Key Master card and I could have gotten two Doom Slayers and kept one for myself and given the other two to you.
Melman: It’s even worse if you do something wrong and then profit by it too.
Young Andrew: I do that all the time.
Melman: You do? And you call yourself a Cub Scout?
Young Andrew: Well, if I hit my sister, it usually profits me.
Melman: How does that profit you?
Young Andrew: I don’t know, it just does.
Young Brett: It helps his self-esteem.