I’m a moron, this I do not dispute. If I wasn’t a moron, I wouldn’t have neat stuff to blog about, so I’m okay with that. So here is this week’s moron-moment.
I decided to wash the car today, not myself mind you, I have broken ribs from the moron moment of two weeks ago, remember? So I took my car to one of those self-service car washes. Not the gas station kind, but the ones with the sprayer and the brush.
While I was in the queue, I sorted through the ashtray for quarters and found that I had enough for about seven minutes of car washin’ goodness. I also had enough time to plan out my minutes. One minute for pre-wash, two minutes for soap, one minute for tire cleaner, one minute for rinse, one minute for rainbow colored, clear-coat protecting, carcinogenic reindeer wax, one minute for rinse.
Hey! Did I just see the word anal cross your mind? Bastard. Anyway, everything went fine until I got to wax time. There just wasn’t much coming out of the brush and what WAS coming out didn’t look like the rainbow whale sperm advertised on the little coin box thing. I figured they were running out of it so I scurried like a one armed paper hanger getting as much of it on the car as possible. The Hispanic dude who was patiently waiting for me pointed over to the wall on the other side of my car. There was another spray gun I hadn’t noticed labeled WAX FOR MORONS and it was flowing out nicer than I had ever seen before. I dropped the brush and ran over there to find a lake of foam. And you talk about beautiful? Man, this lake my car seemed to be floating in contained all sorts of beautiful colors. I grabbed the gun and was still able to cover the whole car in the stuff (It’s a Mini Cooper after all). I also had just enough rinse time left to do the top and some of the windshield.
I did not want to hold up Pedro while I tried to beg for quarters, so I just got in and drove off. Homeward bound. In my foamy Mini Cooper. Leaving a trail of foam like I was expecting a jumbo jet to crash on this very road.