My two favorite shows are Forensic Files and The Investigators. The DVR grabs all of them so it seems like that’s all I watch. One of the things I really get a kick out of is watching law enforcement people try to make themselves sound more edjewmakated than they really are. They either use big words in ways that don’t work or they make up new words.
The new word tonight was directionality. “Based on the bullet holes in the skull and their directionality, it was indicative that he was shot while sleeping”. The word indicative must have sounded much more edjewmakated than indicated because he used it a lot.
In the very next episode I watched, I heard a detective say that “the stupidest thing he did was leave the wash cloth in the sink”. Nothing wrong with that statement; until he added that “the other stupidest thing was that he took one of his gloves off”. Who knew that there would be another stupidest thing?
Even the show hosts are not without sensational faux pas. The host of The Investigators was interviewing one of the jurors and asked if any of them had knowledge of a previous murder by the defendant. “No, we never heard a thing about that.” replied the juror. “Not even a peep?” asked the host. What answer was he looking for? “Well yes, there was a peep. But not all of us heard it”.
I swear, watching these shows for their wordsmith innovations take them in a whole new directionality.
Young Andrew: “No, I don’t want to spend it on that. I only need two more dollars for Nye’s Fake Blood”.
Young Brett: “How much is it”?
Young Andrew: “Fifteen dollars for sixteen ounces”.
Young Brett: “Dude, you can get fake blood at Party City a lot cheaper than that”.
Young Andrew: “Nye’s Fake Blood”?
Young Brett: “No, but it’s just as good”.
Young Andrew: “No it’s not”.
Young Brett: “Well it’s almost as good. At least it is when it drys. It doesn’t flake or get darker”.
Young Andrew: “Nothing is as good as Nye’s Fake Blood, especially not the gel”.
Young Brett: “Well yeah, the gel rocks. But still, it doesn’t cost fifteen dollars. Besides, you can make your own fake blood with food coloring and salt crystals even cheaper”.
Young Andrew: “I’m not using home-made fake blood”!
Young Brett: “Me neither, but I’m just saying I could make it myself if I wanted”.
At least this time I was the driver and not the patient. But these Sunday trips to the ER are getting quite routine. I even exchanged hello’s with a few folks using our first names. Anyway, here’s how it happened.
Our friend Doug volunteered to do some wiring for us in our new house. For some weird reason, there are no electrical outlets in the bathrooms and since he used to do construction before becoming a farrier, Doug offered to fix us up. Things were going along pretty good, we cut in the boxes, wired in the receptacles added an outlet and a light in the attic and flipped on the power to make sure everything worked. The GFI receptacle in the master bath did not. Continue reading “Yet Another Sunday Spent In The Emergency Room”