Grilled Bird For Lunch

I don’t know why, but everything always seems to happen to me at lunch. I was looking for just the right palate enhancing cuisine drive-thru when this bird decided to cross the road in front of me, low. Too low. There was no mistaking the loud thud. Flight 111 definitely just bought the farm.

The thud was loud enough for me to wonder if my car sustained any damage. I was kind of in a hurry though so I figured I’d check it when I got back to work. There was nothing I could do about it now anyway so I pulled into Le McDonalds, placed my order, paid for it and pulled up to the window to wait for my food. By food, I mean clump of cholesterol, fat, and sodium in a sesame seed bun. Just then this couple walked out the door headed for their car when the woman looked my way. I don’t think I can describe the look on her face. Horrified, repulsed, shocked, dismayed, I don’t know, sheer terror could also be used. My first thought was that I resembled someone she knew but thought was in prison. Then I noticed the look on the guy’s face. He was all but rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter as he stared at the front of my car. You know how when children get hurt and cry so hard they run out of breath and turn red? This guy was laughing like that.

Obviously I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to see what was going on with the front of my car. I grabbed my food and pulled into an empty parking space to take a look. The front of my car was covered in feathers. Not just the grille mind you, although that was the most densely covered, but the bumper, fenders, air dam, and lights were all covered. The blood-spatter was holding them in place. If that wasn’t enough to attract attention, then the nearly naked dead bird hanging by his head in the grille certainly was! Good God man, the Manson family left less carnage!

I leveraged the bird’s head out with a bic pen and headed back to work, embarrassed by the fact that feathers were still flying out but smirking at the thought that I at least had new blogging material.

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