Wanna know why I could never be in the olympics? Could it be that I’m 46 years old you ask? No, not that. Could it be that a beer gut gets in the way of most Olympic events? No, not that. Could it be that a workout routine for me consists of dumping the leaves out of the hammock before climbing in? Easy there pal, these are rhetorical questions! No, the truth is, I could never wear this crap they make the winning athletes wear. Look at this.
I know these are gymnasts and gymnasts are generally less inhibited than most, in fact, I think the gymnasts have actually been lobbying for these new accessories, but come on. What if I’m not a gymnast? What if I’m a shot-putter, or a weight-lifter? I still have to don the Caligula wreath and pop-poms? Note how number 2’s pumping fist is totally cancelled out by the fact that the other fist is holding up a pom-pom. Or how about the second photo.
Dressing up like this has actually caused number 6 to start leading the crowd into a rendition of Y-M-C-A! It’s just a matter of time before Olympic athletes are chosen for how they look on the podium rather than their athletic skill.