Guide to Navigating Atlanta's Downtown Connector PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Monday, 21 November 2016 12:04

 

Connector

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The downtown connector is seven, sometimes eight lanes of highway passing through the heart of Atlanta on which Interstates 75 and 85 are merged for 7 ½ miles. It is listed in the top 10 most congestive highways in the US and carries over quarter of a million vehicles through the city each day. Obviously, traversing 7 lanes of traffic in rush hour is not for the faint of heart. Here is what I’ve learned. 

Morning Rush 

Morning rush begins around 6:00 am and tails off around 10:00 am. It should be noted that drivers on the connector between 9:00 and 10:00 am are much less experienced than those in the 6:00 to 9:00 am rush, so the instinct to let your guard down because the traffic is lighter can often be a fatal one.

Changing Lanes 

As much as I loathe people who do not use turn signals, rush hour on the connector is an exception. You cannot use turn signals on the connector during rush hour. If you do, you will be amazed at how quickly you will be cut off. It has been my experience that this is a universal law for young, black women. They seem especially competitive when it comes to merging vehicles.

The first step in changing lanes is to assess, predict, and analyze gaps. You do this by using quick glances, but only with your peripheral vision. Never turn your head. If you are seen turning your head, any potential gap will close immediately. You will also be tempted to let up on the gas while you are glancing, to avoid hitting the car in front of you. Do not let up on the gas. Any gap emerging in front of you is a sign that you are glancing, which means you want to change lanes, which means the gap you are analyzing will close immediately. It also increases the risk of allowing a lane diver (see lane diving below) to dive into the gap you are creating, forcing you to step on the brake. Brake lights in your lane will immediately force any gaps in the lanes beside you to close. 

Connector2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pace Cars 

During your commute, you will encounter pace cars. Generally, these are inexperience commuters and in my experience, white males. They never exceed the speed limit and repeatedly maintain that stupid safe braking distance we all learned about in drivers ed. The whole idea of rush hour is to keep up with traffic. Whether traffic is moving at 45 mph or 95 mph, the rush hour rule is to keep up. Because they don’t follow this rule, they should be run off the road at high speed like a lion knocking down the trailing wildebeest. But let’s face it, we don’t have time; we have to get to work before the boss.

The solution is to avoid lanes that have pace cars in them. To do this, you have to look at least 10 car lengths ahead for unusual gaps. Avoid lanes with landscape trucks or vans with multiple ladders on the roof. Mexicans generally will not exceed the speed limit which makes them, pace cars.

Never pull in behind an electric car or a vehicle with more than 3 bumper stickers, especially the Coexist one. 90% of pace cars are driven by flaming liberals. 

Pace Cars

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lane Diving

You will encounter lane divers during your commute on the connector. These are the true assholes of the world, the scum of the earth. If I was in a room with Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, and a lane diver and I had a gun with only 2 bullets, I would shoot the lane diver twice.

These are the people who speed past long lines of cars waiting to enter or exit the connector. Sometimes they even have their turn signal on as they wiz by at 70 mph. As soon as they find a gap near the front, and it can be a gap of any length, they dive into that space. It does not matter to them if they have to block 2 lanes of traffic, just so long as they get their spot at the front of the line.

There is nothing you can do about them when it comes to cars ahead of you, but you should do your best to prevent them from assaulting you personally. The only way to identify them is by using the force. It is difficult to verbally describe a lane diver, but you will know them when you see them. About all I can say is they don’t look like the others in their lane, something will be off. The speed, the distance between cars, their placement within the lane; it will be off.

Some people think if they drive on the extreme right side of the lane, they will avoid lane divers. Nothing could be further from the truth. This gives them all the space they need to bully you into letting them in. You need to stay to the extreme left side of the lane and on the bumper of the car in front of you, no matter how anxious it makes the person in front of you. Never make eye contact with them either. If you make eye contact with a lane diver, they will try to sweet talk you into letting them in. “Oh, will you let me in please sir, I made a terrible mistake?” Bullshit. Do not make eye contact.

Lane Diver

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Afternoon Rush

Afternoon rush begins at 2:30 pm and tails off around 1:00 am. None of these rules apply to afternoon rush hour on the downtown connector. Nothing moves in the afternoon. It is a parking lot and should be avoided completely.

Hope this helps. Good luck! 

 
She's Coming Folks PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Friday, 22 July 2016 10:55
 
First Pirate PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Friday, 22 July 2016 10:44
 
Open Carry PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Monday, 18 July 2016 00:00
 
Speed Humps PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Friday, 15 July 2016 07:56

This is a SPEED BUMP. It's designed to slow you down, drastically. You should traverse them at a speed less than 5 mph to avoid biting your tongue off.

Speed Bump

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a SPEED HUMP. It is designed to slow you down somewhat. You do not need to approach them at less than the posted 25 mph speed limit and in fact, if you go too slow, your shocks won't engage and you may be jarred about.

Speed Hum

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the streets I have to drive on my afternoon commute has 7 speed humps in one half mile section. I hate it. There is always traffic and there is always at least one person creeping over them which slows everybody else down. This is what it looks like to me:

Backup

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other day, as I turned down this street behind 3 other cars, I prepared myself to be disgusted as usual as we all crept over the humps. To my surprise, all 3 cars were experienced drivers...like me!  None of us slowed down! By the time we got to the end of the stretch, it looked like a scene right out of Bullitt and I was Steve McQueen!

Bullitt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was awesome!! 

 
Courage? PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Friday, 08 April 2016 13:26

Trent Harmon, the last American Idol winner, told a story recently about his friend who had committed suicide, and how painful it was for him. It was a moving story. He also shared blog comments from his friends brother that included the following:

“Suicide isn’t glorious or romantic. It’s a very self-centered act … When Daniel put that noose around his neck, he wasn’t just hanging himself. He put that noose around my neck. He put that noose around the neck of my mother, my father, my grandmothers, my grandfather, my sisters, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles. He put that noose around the necks of his friends, his teachers, and all the younger kids who looked up to him.

He is certainly right, suicide isn't glorious or romantic, although I don't think it's ever been perceived that way. It's also very painful for the loved ones left behind, no doubt about that. But a "very self-centered act..?" I would beg to differ. And to say hanging himself was the same as hanging those around him was in my opinion, a much better definition of self-centered. Should they stay here for you so that you don't have to feel pain?

Again, it's a painful loss, I truly get that. But the loved ones aren't dead. They are not deprived of the joys of life. Life moves on for them, happiness continues. For someone contemplating suicide, that hope is gone. There is no happiness, there is no joy, there is no hope. Grief sucks, but it's not permanent.

 
Debate Clip 1 PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Friday, 04 March 2016 07:47

 

 ELVIS: 

 

"Isn’t it true that Lesley specifically ordered you never to kill chipmunks?

Isn’t it true that you blatantly ignored that order and instead issued a code red on poor Alvin the chipmunk?"

SHELDON: 

 

"Son, we live in a house that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by cats with claws. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Elvis?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Alvin the chipmunk and you curse the Felines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Alvin the chipmunk’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps on the sofa pillow of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"  
 
Vote for Elvis 2016 PDF Print E-mail
Written by MELMAN   
Thursday, 03 March 2016 10:38

My name is Elvis and I’m running for Chief Pet. You’ve all come to know me over the years as the obedient, thoughtful and loyal friend to everyone. I’ve come a long way from entering the household as a lovable pup to recently being promoted to Lead Canine.

While it’s true that my opponent killed Mickey Bin Laden in 2014, it’s also true that he severely maimed poor Alvin the chipmunk and left him for dead just last year. And while he claims to keep the house clear of insects, he often gets bored and leaves the maimed insects in the middle of the floor where I have to finish the job by eating them.

You need a chief pet you can trust, depend on and come when called.  My name is Elvis and I approved this message. 

 
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